2 year 8 Months

If we are not pregnant this month February will be 2 years and 8 months of trying now in the past I might say wow and just give up but a few things have happened even since my last post that have made me rethink things a little.   I used to think that if God wanted me to have a baby he would give me a baby and I wouldn't have to do all this fertility stuff.  However, God gave me a mortal body and sometimes our mortal body does not do what it is suppose to do so this is why we have modern medicine.   I have come to think of it as if you have a baby would you leave it with a babysitter who isn't that healthy and couldn't handle the physical labor it takes to watch a baby?? NO you would not you would research, do a back ground check, and hire someone you and trust and is physically able to do the job! So God is not going to give me a baby until my body is physically able to host it and take care of it and keep it safe.  He loves every single one of us and would not put one of his kids in danger.  So this has really helped me keep faith and realize in the right timing for us the baby will come and for all we know our babies future spouses mom is not ready to have her and it all has to line up.. Idk that was just a random thought but you get what I am saying!!

Also I am so thankful that I have shared my story with everyone because it has helped me get through it and keep moving towards my goal.   I think too many times in society people consider an infertile woman broken or damaged and  as women we think we are failures if we can't have a baby since that is what we were put on this earth for!  This is not the case, since I have started sharing my story several women have came to me in confidence about there situations I am not talking 1 or 2 I  have had 10 ladies come tell me about there struggles.  I didn't know a single one of them were going through that and all these ladies are ladies I personally know.  I am not talking about strangers these are friends.  How could I not know this about these girls and it just breaks my heart for every single one of them..  A couple of them have gone on to have babies but most of them are still trying.  We need support and we need to be here for each other and being infertile is not something to be ashamed of because I bet you any person on this earth has either been infertile or has known someone infertile even if they didn't know it.

My heart really breaks for the women who don't have any children at all.  I am lucky enough to have Hayleigh who is my pride and joy and the best little 4 year old girl I could ask for!  However, the situation I had her in was not a good one.  I was asked to abort her and well I would never choose a guy over my child even though at that time I wasn't sure I was going to keep her.  I was ready to start looking for a couple to adopt her because I had a crappy job,  no one to support me and wasn't sure if I could do it.  However, I was 21 almost 22 when she was born and I took on the responsibility of my actions and raised her and worked my butt off.  Then when she was 5 months old I met the most amazing man ever, who not only asked me out on dates but would find a babysitter for me and pay for the sitter too.  Now that is a man who must of really liked me... But because of the situation I didn't get to create a nursery or buy matching furniture, or even have support during my pregnancy.  I want a second chance to enjoy pregnancy and have a loving husband through it and I want to create a nursery and shop together.  Most of all I really want him to experience pregnancy and a new born because even during the crappy parts of it, its the best gift from God ever and I want to share that with him.

So update I should know early February if I am pregnant and if I am not we do a 4th round of femera/letrozole and we do a 2nd seamen test to make sure everything is still ok and I will have to do an HSG xray which I read the pamphlet about and freaked myself out, but a couple people told me it wasn't too bad and in the long run its worth it especially since a lady I know did it and 2 weeks later finally got pregnant.  Well I have heard that before, so I guess its clears it all out in time for the sperm to meet the egg... SO HERE IS TO HOPE and CONTINUING THIS JOURNEY.