New and Improved HCG plan and the Harsh Truth about myself

Well Howdy everyone!! I know I have been MIA for a while.. BUT I am back now.  I have been dealing with several personal issues.  One is just working on communicating my feelings with my husband..I was getting frustrated with him and being a bit moody.  I thought the HCG was causing moodiness so I stopped because my Marriage was more important at the time.   Turns out I was just moody for not being able to communicating right.. Both of us have been making it a habit to tell each other straight out with out beating around the bush what frustrates us about the other person and then the other person in return tries to modify their behavior for their partner.   A good friend of mine emails her husband weekly so he knows their schedule and remembers it..So I decided to try it... because lets face it Guys just can't remember as much as us.  However my husband has the shortest memory ever, so he asked me if I could do a daily email. We are on day two of that and it really seems to be helping me because he remembers so I am less stressed.

You might be wondering what all this stress has to do with HCG..well after watching the AMEN solution I realized the reason I fell off the bandwagon on a great diet once again!  Yes I am over weight and I do eat only baked foods and healthy foods 95% of the time... So why am I overweight...Well most of my close friends know and well I guess whoever else reads this will know.  I have battled with depression since I was about 5 years of age. My father committed suicide and until I was 12 I thought he died in a car accident.  Which these things and a long battle of my mother trying to do the best she could ended with me being emotionally distant in several ways.  She used to comfort me with sweets when I was sad about my dad...so note to parents..give your kids veggies when they are sad or take them for a walk or something besides sweets... YOU ARE HURTING THEM... So I realized that every time I get stressed, I shut down emotionally and become depressed, then when I become depressed I don't care about anything and I eat CHOCOLATE and A LOT OF IT!! So now I am working on my life and my marriage and MYSELF on how to not become stressed because stress causes me to go down a slippery slope of depression and over eating and being over weight and then in return the being overweight makes me more depressed...ITS A NEVER ENDING CYCLE.  So after spending the last couple weeks really analyzing myself and crying myself to sleep I have realized that I need to handle my stress a little bit better..  I never wanted to admit that I had an emotional attachment to food, every time I watched or heard something about it ...I would say that's not me.  Besides the stress part.. I realized food was what I could control--I could control what I ate when I ate it and no one could tell me otherwise or ruin my food plan.  I am a planner and I needed something to control when everything else was falling apart.  So my new plan is to still CONTROL my food but CONTROL it in a positive way.. CONTROL that I go for the apple instead of the Chocolate Shake. 

As most of you know..if you create drama in my life rather you are family or a friend..I cut you out of my life.. This is the only way I can manage that and not be worse than I already am... If I don't do this..then I would probably repeat the cycle of committing suicide like my father did.. Which I tried a few times in College, but really had the most amazing friends a girl could ask for.. At the time I hated them...but I am grateful that they cared enough about me to call someone else to help me.  If I never told them Thank you-- I really hope they know now how much they changed my life and I will never forget them for it.  Now I have a great Husband and Daughter that Give me the motivation to fight everyday.  Anyone who has ever dealt with Depression knows that its a daily battle you have to remind yourself to Live your life everyday with a purpose and To trust in GOD to know that he has a greater plan when your plan fails.. So I think this has all been leading me up too..

1.. Trying several new food free methods of distressing each day... including a daily meditation so that the stress doesn't get so overwhelming that I get depressed and crash.

2.  Keep taking the HCG drops because they seem to help me feel not as hungry and to keep me motivated

3.  Anyone who knows me...knows that I hate doing the same thing over and over or eating the same thing over and over which was why after two weeks I went crazy and over cheated and gained back 80% of what I lost.  So I am going to cut down my calories to the 500-750 range but I will be adding in the other veggies and fruits that are out there the healthy ones and no sugar or crabs still but I will once a week allow myself 1 little cheat if its a piece of cheese, chocolate, or bread..   I can't do the same thing over and over because I get board and lets be honest I have a lot more weight to loose than 30 pounds so 30days on a diet like most wont help me....I will keep going up and down like always if I do it that way because I will over cheat.

4. Since I will be eating a few more calories --I will make sure I have extra water and exercise in my diet since most is not allowed on the regular plan.

5---I am strating a two week meal plan and making sure I stay prepared so I don't cheat.. But since we do love eating out and eat out more than we normally cook..We have included healthy meal night out on weds only.. Should probably save us money cooking at home..

6- I will keep you updated on how my plan works... it might not... but the other one didn't work for me..But I think now that I am being honest with myself and the world about my demons and my plans...All I can do is try.