I have come to realize that sometimes I am not sure if I am defending my child or defending the way people see me as a parent! I mean in the end does it really matter who cares what other people think..I know I am a good mom and people should stay out of it unless a child is being abused. What brought this topic on you ask?
Well the other day I was waiting in the long long long line at the tax office you know..when are you are waiting to get your registration. Well I normally do this online, but my husband got the letter from the mailbox and it got lost in all of his stuff and I don't drive his truck so..I had no idea the sticker was expired so I had to do it at the office. So I was thinking being a good mom, that Hayleigh was going to be bored and I better take something for her to stay busy during this time. She chose to bring her portable video game (which are learning games) and the two men behind me tell the girl behind them that is why kids don't play outside anymore.
Yes I know what you are all thinking--He is allowed to have his opinion and he was really talking about kids in general but something inside me just made my mouth open and say she plays outside. He responded well at that age I am sure but you are molding her for later. In response I replied well she is also in Dance, Gymnastics, and Soccer and she just turned 4, So I don't think a video game while we are in a long line with nothing to do is going to make her never go outside but thank you for your concern.
Now why did I even open my mouth, Its not like that guy knew me so I shouldn't of cared and I knew my child wasn't the type of child he was talking about. However, something just made me want to say something and I think it was defending my parenting skills not that he was talking about my child. But I ask you...why do we care?
I don't know if its just my nature or the fact that my heart strings have been pulled lately because I am in wait for when I can't protect her anymore. When she is older and leaves of course, but I was so ready for preschool and now as the days get closer I am in panic mode. We have chose the right school for her and I know she will do great. She has never had a behavior problem in sports or at church- she looks up to her teachers. However, I am now in a constant worry of what if she has a seizure doing that. We have not had a seizure since the 14th of may--when she had one in her sleep. 3 days after starting the medicine, but since the meds have been in her system nothing. Still I can't stop thinking about when it doesn't work anymore or what if. I know every mom worries about her child but I think I am worrying too much and don't know how to stop. Now that we have come to the realization that we will probably never have another baby It adds to the situation. I know if its meant to be it will be and I am ok with it and understand God has a greater plan, but I don't know how to handle the what if something happened to my only baby. I need to let her be a kid and not worry as much, if not I am going to be a basket case three days a week while she is at preschool....
Thanks for reading,
Ash
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